self, look at the bigger picture

I said to myself, self, look at the bigger picture....

When you put together a project, you look at the end goal before attempting the steps.
When planning a trip, you chose a destination before planning hotels.
When you decide to do a puzzle, you chose the picture you want to end up with before looking at the pieces.

I think I've been starting with the steps, booking hotels in every city, and looking at the pieces too closely. The pieces of my life. I see where they fit together so nicely. The piece that interlocks with my best friend, the pieces that fit with my family... the pieces that tie my music to my dance moves, and my movies to the endless quotes I have to offer any situation.

But I also see where the pieces don't fit together. Where my hand doesn't have another to hold. Where my evenings don't have an arm to snuggle under. Where my friends have things to do, and I wish I could tag along but at the same time- I don't want to be the tag along. Where I'm just unhappy at times, and can't find any reason for it. Where my mind turns grey when I'm in the sunshine.Where my friends have 'real' problems, and I don't want to bother them with my little one.

I've been looking at the pieces for too long. I think I've lost a hold on the big picture. Today I was listening to music and working on my feet and had the opportunity to just break out in random dancing every now and then. That made me smile. I had a little sit down chat with some friends. They made me smile. These might seem like little things, but they are the big picture at the moment. I have friends, I have family, I have things to do, I have a bed to sleep in, I have people to talk to and hang out with every night. Looking at the big picture I can see all these things that on their own might seem insignificant, but together make up my life. And I have to admit that life is good. I have no real reason to complain.

Then, why do I feel so blah?  ........  change of season, change of schedule, change of heart?
I don't know.

So, I said to myself, "Self, look at the bigger picture, and maybe that will help you see where the pieces fit. And until then, keep your head up, and keep smiling."